Sonnet on layaway

There's so much out there to see and do and talk about. To experience. So much, and so little time. So little time that I'm not sure I'll ever find you.

And if I do, I might not want to believe it.

And if I do, I might not have the patience to see it through.

And If I do, I might not have the uniqueness to keep you interested.

And if I do, I may still very well feel so jealous that I'll never  be completely happy anyways.

I just... want you there with me for it all. I want you to be perfect.

To be loving without need.

To love without hate.

To love without greed or pride.

To love without jealousy.

To love without closeness.

To love at the right times.

To love at the wrong times.

To love when I don't want to be loved.

To love when you dont want to love me back.

To love fiercely.

But most importantly. To love without fail. Waver it might. Strained it will be. Topple it will never.

Child Soldiers

It is only through love can you learn hate

One cannot survive without the other. Isn't it so obvious? How can you love anyone until you truly know what it is to not love someone. How to hate, and despise them. Or not even someone, something. Anything. How can you really be sure that you love anything if you have never felt the urge of hate. How would you even know.

I passed my enemies by in the streets. I did not realize they were my enemies. Nor did I realize I had so many. But enemies they all were. And I realized that they were my enemies for one reason alone, one purpose. In my blind pursuit for love, they stood in my way. And thus they had become objects of hatred. Things that would push my love higher, and my anger deeper. To love is to hate, and to hate is to love. To defeat a foe, to truly defeat them, to cripple them, and to destroy them, is to know them. To know them is to love them. To love that which you hate. And to love, to love anyone, anything. It is to hate all else, so that the love may stand out. May be pure. So to hate is to love and to love is to hate. Such a simple idea, only now clear how horrible it truly is. 

So we march onwards, in our quest for what is right and good, not that which is bright. Not tempted by the lures of monsters hiding in the deep. 

~Anonymous

Saturn and Mars

Why do you make everything about you

I mean EVERYTHING

God... I could beat you to a pulp... the amount of anger I have... just please... stop...

I could be having the time of my life, and somehow you would figure out a way to turn that into me hating you even more. If I'm ever happy and it's not because of you, it eats at you doesn't it. You're like a plague. No, plagues eat relentlessly, while you just pick my most happiest moments to do it, dont you. I think thats worse.

Why dont you leave them alone. Leave them all alone. Its because of you I hate myself. Because I see in you what I once wanted to be. It's not even your fault. It's just because you're so, hateable. So stupid, and airheaded, and ignorant. And I try so hard not to see those things in you. I even tried to love you for a point. There was no point in that was there. I slowly came to realize that you dont live for love. You dont even want it. You consume love. It fuels you, doesnt it. You horde it. For power. For protection. As a gauge of your self worth.

How do I know all this, you ask? Because I do it too. I try, though perhaps not so brazenly. Perhaps more subtle. Perhaps not. But I horde love as well. I dont cherish it the way I should. But I know the error in it. Perhaps I haven't corrected it yet, but it is still a problem for me. For you it is not. I dont think it ever will. You are too stubborn in your ways to realize how wrong you are. But perhaps I am the greater of two evils if I realize its wrong and continue on anyways. And whats worse, I string along people, oblivious to it all of what I do.

So I am the evil in the end. And it is in this statement I realize, I have turned my rage towards you, from your hurt on others, into the rage against me, and the ten-fold worse evils I have unleashed upon others. We are so alike, you and I. Do you even realize it. Should one of us die... I think I'd be a lot more assured of the future of this fragile planet. Should both of us die... I think everyone else would be too.

~Anonymous

Love me do

If you love someone, it shouldn't be because you think they're perfect. Nor should it be that you think they could someday become perfect for you.

Love someone, simply because you do. If they have quirks, you can work on those. If you can't get past them, they shouldn't make a difference. Just love 'em for no good reason at all, and expect nothing more in return than a cold shoulder. Obviously you'd want a little more than that, but when you love someone, you have to expect the fights and heartaches too.

~Anonymous

Car ride

Today... I felt I could reach out and touch you

I stretched my fingers out the window

as the car pulled away

and just as quickly

you were gone for me

and there was nothing left

and there was nothing to go to

there is only

now

Anonymity

Have you ever just watched someone... maybe on a car ride... maybe just sitting around... maybe they're talking to somebody else... but all you do is stare at them. Appreciating their presence. Just being happy with the fact that perhaps you aren't speaking... perhaps not even on the best of terms... but they're still there so that the opportunity is there. Never take for granted how special it is to have someone you love close by, even if they don't know it, or just don't care. 


Its better to be with someone you love and want them to leave... 
than to be alone and want them back...

L'Amour

damn you...

for making me hurt so...

for letting me love you the way i did...

for letting me love you the way i do...

and play it off as a simple friendly gesture...

damn you for ever loving me at all...

Carl Sagan

The universe is so incredibly incredibly gigantic, unimaginably so. So
huge that some parts that we see now in the sky came into existence
and burned away millions of years ago. And there could be who knows
what happening out there right now that we won't know about for
another couple million years, and by then the earth would've smashed
into the sun, and the sun long burnt out. We are hurtling on a speck
of dust and it's the single greatest miracle that we are even alive
right now, with the ability to look up and have even an inkling of an
idea of what's going on out there for the brief period we will have
here.

Smile

Smile.
Just try it, smile.
Even if its one of those sarcastic smiles. Where you squint your eyes a little as if you're about to cry.

Don't get self-conscious again.
Just smile.
Laugh even.
Giggle.
It's okay, only I'm here, and I won't judge you.

If nobody else loves you, remember, I love you. There's an infinite amount of us that love you. We're rooting for you, we all have a stake in you right now. We're trying our best to make sure you're happy. We're losing the bad memories and trying to reinforce the good ones. We're doing our part, so start doing yours.

You have friends, You have family. But its me you're coming to at your most neediest, when you're completely alone. Who knows when you'll be back. Maybe months, maybe years. Maybe never. But if you do, I'll be waiting here.

This day.
This time.
This moment, will be here, forever.
Waiting for you to come back, but hoping you never will.

Because my shoulder is dry, and your eyes are wet.
Your heart is empty, and mine is full of love.

If you're happy by now... send your love forward in time, to the next time you'll need it.