Post Karma

There is a safe, filled with all the things I meant to say to you
And on the day I finally pass, it will burst open, and you too will know all the terrible and wonderful things that ever paced through my mind.

Toll Bridge

The surface routes feel too traveled.
As common as they are, I will stick to the underpasses.

A Handful

When it comes right down to it, the wind shifts too quickly and you are a million specks of dust. 
I couldn't take care of you if I wanted.

Drunk Dial

I would hope in my moment of weakness someone would console me too.
But life is rarely that empathetic. You can only be left to look after yourself.

Lineage a Million Generations Deep

I am standing on the corner of Wabash and Smith street.
The river runs orange underneath.
The bridge rumbles with every late passing car.
And with all the reminders of reality,
With every person a walking example of it,
I still question if love can find its way today.
I lose confidence a little more every day.

Do the right thing

Sometimes I get bursts of motivation.
There's a hundred thousand new things I want to do and try, and ways I want to better my life.
But then TV turns back on, and I become complacent again.

First Breath after Coma

My breath has abandoned me
My heart is beating like a battering ram, slowly pushing out of my chest
It knows what I want
It wants to leap up out of me and join you on stage

Goosebumps For the First Time

My face flushes red
A tingling sensation spreads from my cheeks to my forehead and crawls down the back of my neck
The hair on my arm raises, and the skin puckers
It feels like the beginning of a brighter day, after a month of clouds and rain
Like the first flake of snow on a long walk home
Like wondering if at that very moment, they're thinking about you too.
Like falling hopelessly in love for the first time all over again.
Like nothing could be wrong ever again.
It feels like this is how life was meant to be all along.

Sheltered Existence

For once, stop and think who you are living your life for
Really, who?
Then think about what it is you are doing,
and realize you haven't done a single damn thing for them
Start living for them today

Rumbling

The drums run through the night.
They thrum as dreams become our temporary reality.
They lay awake as we sit asleep.

Hobbies

We are all special
Simply because we are not

Brad

I want to believe you are more than just your words and ideas
That you are not just the bullshit you say and do
That you aren't the asshole everyone else seems to think you are
That there's more to you than superficial nonsense

I want to believe you have emotions
That there is some deep hurt that made you this way
That you are selfish because no one was selfish for you

I hope that you will someday come to your senses
And see that all this hate for you, you bring onto yourself
That life doesn't need to be this way
That, for some reason, I love you anyways
That for now, you will have at least one friend

Jenny

I lie awake by the pool
Lying on a wicker lounge chair
The weave of the intertwined wood cuts into my cheek
The uncut hair on my face digs into the material, make it hard to shift easily
But I don't feel it.

I think about her driving.
It seems silly now, the things we argued about. 
She would take a wrong turn, and I would snap
I would accuse her of always doing the wrong things
Of trying to get us lost, of wasting my time
I'm not sure why I ever made it such a big deal

My left hand hangs over the edge, fingertips grazing the water
My middle and ring finger are wrinkled from having strayed there too long
The pool is undisturbed, except for the small waves emanating from my fingers

I remember her brushing her teeth at night
She had a daily routine. 
Tongue scraper, floss, brush, mouthwash, and final inspection
Then she would come to kiss me good night
But every night she would forget to do one of those things
For 10 years, she never managed to get it quite right
And only when she kissed me, would she realize which part she had forgotten
She would have to go back and do it a second time just to get it right. 
I would always laugh when she went back to the bathroom. 
I did the first few years anyways. 
It was cute. 
Then it wasn't anymore. 

The sun is low on the horizon, hiding behind dark gray clouds
My eyes feel cloudy
Like they have gone unblinking for some time
I unfocus my eyes on the pool
The sea foam blue tiles of the deck intermingle with the soft blue glow of the water
My house, dark and impotent, crouches down by the path leading here
Separated by a small hedge brush, meticulously kept and even.

I remember the last day I saw her. 
It was like any other morning. 
At least any other morning those days. 
She made my coffee. 
We wouldn't look at each other, I with my nose in a book, eating my morning bagel. 
Her, just sitting there, drinking her tea. 
Staring off into space. 
Never once did I wonder what she was looking at. 
Never did I ask what it was she saw on that empty lily white wall. 
I left the house without even saying a goodbye. 

I pull my hand back for just a moment, to take another swig from the glass of scotch nearby
I would wince at the taste, but my taste buds have long since given up on telling me what to do

Her funeral was surreal for me. 
I had been so angry at her. 
I can't believe now how angry I was. 
I wanted her to come back to life, not because I wanted her back, but so that I could tell her off thoroughly for giving up on us. 
I remember seeing her body in that coffin, and feeling such... hate. 
I remember her brother putting an arm around me, and me knocking him out cold. 
I remember being in the hospital, after her family had come at me. 

I return my fingers to the water
Hoping that a small wind will pick up
That the water will reach up and swallow me whole

I remember the first time I met her. 
The first time I ever saw her smile
A smile that had caused all the blood in my body to run just a little hotter. 
She had come along with another friend of mine. 
I remember my friend leaning over, and whispering in my ear "Damn... she's cute"
I had laughed, and said "Never in a million years would she look at a guy like me"
And that's right when she looked at me

Willful Ignorance

There are so many things for us to do
Places for us to go
People to meet and things to say
That can help us forget about that one thing we don't want to think about

Negative Reinforcement

Every time you're happy, it's proof that things could be better
But every time you're not, it's proof that they will always be the same

Anxiety

To every cloud there is a silver lining
But to every sunny day, there is a day of rain soon to follow

I guess you could say I'm a glass half empty kind of guy

Maybe In Another Time, Another Place

I am not sure what it is I want
All I know is I want it with you

Hear No Evil

We are both screaming for each other's attention
But we're both speaking in tongues