Lost and forgotten

There are those who have meant a lot to me, at various points in my life. People who were so integral to how I lived my life and how I defined my character, I would lose later on. Others, who I despised so much, soon discovered a side I never would have imagined.

There are friends that meant a lot to me, and still do, that I spoke unimaginable secrets to. Things I was sure would go with me to the grave. Some I still see from time to time. Others I see frequently. Still others I have long since lost and forgotten. Secrets live with them that I forgot I even told anyone. Scabs I peeled and showed, revealing what's truly inside of me, have healed over again, unmarred and seamless with my skin once more.

I regret not being able to just ring them up. Go back to the way things once were. I regret, after all these years, not getting to see how he grew up. I regret not knowing what my life may have been like if I had stayed there with him. If we hadn't grown apart. I regret the days I was lonely, and he was too. When we were just a phone call away from each other.

But I don't regret the person I have grown into. The friends I have made and lost have all been necessary. As flawed as I am, I would not want to be any other way. I am the sum total of the relationships I have made and broken in my life.

My legacy is the hearts I have both warmed and broken, healed and forgotten.

But I will never forget him. I will never forget the man I could have been. He will live on in my memory, in my imagination. He will be my reminder of what should have been. Of how singular decisions can have such earth shattering results.