Caged

It took me many years to realize that the cage I lived in had no doors.
It simply hung over me, keeping me from floating away.
That I could get out whenever I wanted.

It took me many more years to actually walk out.

Fear of Abandonment

There's something I really want to tell you.
I want to tell you that those times I hurt your feelings, I hurt them because I didn't know how else to show I cared.
Those times I laughed at you, insulted you, I regret a lot of those times.
I wish it didn't have to be so hard with you.
I want to call you up and see you.
I want to hold you so tight, to make you understand what it is that I feel for you.
I want you to know that we never talk because there are no words for the things I want to talk to you about.

But I don't think I will.
I don't know if you'll ever really know.
And one day what we have will dry up and float away.
And you'll just become another fond and sad memory.

Soft

There is a softness to you.
A softness I don't understand, I cannot quantify.
It comes through on rainy days, wrapped in freshly laundered blankets and sipping on warm milk tea loaded with sugar.
It comes through on long drives home on back country roads covered in fresh white snow, wearing t-shirts in a car with the heater set just right as it fends off the fingers of cold scratching at the window.
A softness that I see in your smile, eyes half lidded, as if you are just falling to sleep into the middle of a dream of napping in a litter of kittens.
A softness that I am amazed lives on in the world we live in today.
A softness that seems to endure inside of you, even as you hide it away from the world more each day.

Indestructible

As I grow older, a lot less scares me.
A lot less worries me.
Things that used to get me all worked up now don't seem so bad; silly even.
A lifetime of realizations has brought me to this place: that no matter how much I worry, I will always make it to the next day, or I won't.
Life is not about the amount of days lived, its about the amount of life lived each day.
Its about taking each day, about being hopeful for the day to come, and proud of the day past.
Its about leaving the world a little better than you found it.
Whether you make it to tomorrow, or another hundred years from now.
Life is always exactly long enough.
That thought alone makes me indestructible.

I miss you Jim Henson

Sometimes I feel like a marionette.
The only thing that holds me up, that keeps me moving, is love.
Your love for me, that keeps my head up, and my legs moving.
That keeps me moving forward.
And my love for you, that makes me want to break free.
To overpower your love so that I may embrace you, and make you feel the joy that leaps in my heart whenever I see you.
Or at least that you might feel in your throat the same lump I feel in mine, when all that seems bright in a bleak world is that you are loved at all, even by someone far away.

Writer's Block

I float on a sea of milk and honey
The red dress caresses her every curve
all my muscles tear at my body trying to rend me apart and i dont know how much longer i can stay i really should get going its getting kind of late and im so tired
I see him there standing in the dark hallway in sunglasses and skin pale as chalk
the lighthouse shines on the buoy, its chains rock and clink like champagne glasses on a heavy shore
i can feel my heart straining to break the cycle of the beat
my eyes are telescopes into your soul
the trees spell words that i wish I could see but I cant
the ocean and sand and orange and yellow and purple
and i can see your face it looks warpsed and exaggerated im not sure why and there is streaks of blond but no soul

you have things that you shouldnt be proud of having, of but you should still be grateful about them

Parched

I love and I don't know why I do

This is about sex
not love
just sex
and nothing more


I can feel you trembling beneath me
but you don't care, you're somewhere else
somewhere I'm not and wishing I was someone else too

I love you but I'm not sure why
I love you and I know I shouldn't
Is this really what love is anyways?
I can't be sure that this is real at all
That this isn't simply the most I've felt for someone, and not love itself
All I know is yours is all I care to hear from
I never hear your true voice and feelings any more,
And that kills me more than anything else
i want that closeness again
i want it so badly

We are two creatures moving, one inside of the other
When what I want is to exist with you, and you with me