Helpless

I couldn't do anything about it. I was trapped by myself. Cornered by my own lack of self control. All I could do was cry about it. I would come home from work, and just cry. I wasn't even really sad about it, but it was one thing I felt I could control. I could control my emotions about it. My wife didn't ever know what to do, she would find me crying in the dark in our dining room and just go back to our bedroom. She would lock the door. At first I think she cried too. Then a few months later, she left me. She never really warned me, she never tried to get me to seek professional help, we never fought. Maybe I should have seen it coming.

So now I had something to be sad about. So I cried even more. It got to be a little uncontrollable too. I would burst into tears on the bus going to work sometimes. It got to the point where I'd be sitting in a meeting, or going to get a cup of coffee, and I'd start crying. I wouldn't even know why. And what's worse, it would come with extreme feelings of depression, of sadness.

Now I was helpless to just one more thing.