The Great Ocean Road

There is a stretch of road on the south end of Australia. It is called the Great Ocean Road. It begins near Melbourne, and stretches across the coast for nearly 250 kilometers. It's length is perched precariously on a cliffside, following the natural features closely. The limit is 80 kph, and with hairpin turns, blind corners, and sheer drops, it is a terrifying drive. Since the road follows the cliffs so closely, and the entire coastline bends away from the ocean, it is difficult to know what is coming up. At best, you can see a mile ahead at some cliff heads that jut out from the shore.

Some of the views you'll encounter here are breathtaking. Beaches dot the coast, interrupted by long bouts of jagged rocks. Coastal villages appear every stretch of road, offering gas and local color. I tried thinking about what it must be like to grow up in a village like this. On the ass end of the world, knowing that if you look south, the next time you'll see land, it'd be the south pole. That no one would ever pass through here, and the only ways into and out of your quaint town is a dangerous piece of road.

We drove a bit of the road. I don't think I appreciated then the magnitude of that journey, and the effect it would have on me. To this day, I think back to that stop on the road. Where we said "No more driving, this is the farthest we will go. We will turn back here." Never have I felt my limits embodied more specifically. I won't ever forget that spot on the road. That mile marker. The grass as it swayed in the breeze, or the setting sun. In my mind, I left a flag planted there. A flag planted just short of the peak I had set out for myself.

I sometimes think that I will return there someday. Find that spot where we had stopped so many years ago, and blow past it. Drive on further, and find a new spot to plant my flag. But I realize that won't be sufficient. The peak is not the end of the Great Ocean Road. It isn't the other end of Australia, and nor is it the South Pole. There are places all over this planet that I want to go and see, but none of them are the peak I want to reach.

I want to go into orbit. I want to land on the moon to play a round of golf. I want to go to Mars, and plant an evergreen tree there, try to celebrate Christmas. I want to swim in the oceans of Europa (if they even exist). I want to witness an ocean of diamonds, hiding under the fog of Neptune. Drop by Pluto, just to see for myself if it is worthy of being a planet or not. I want to brave the vacuum of space, and reach Alpha Centauri. I want to see foreign planets, and meet strange creatures.

I want to live forever, and find the edge of the universe. And then take a step past to see what's behind the curtain.

But for now, my flag lays planted on the Great Ocean Road. Waiting for me to pick up the adventure once again.

Lost and forgotten

There are those who have meant a lot to me, at various points in my life. People who were so integral to how I lived my life and how I defined my character, I would lose later on. Others, who I despised so much, soon discovered a side I never would have imagined.

There are friends that meant a lot to me, and still do, that I spoke unimaginable secrets to. Things I was sure would go with me to the grave. Some I still see from time to time. Others I see frequently. Still others I have long since lost and forgotten. Secrets live with them that I forgot I even told anyone. Scabs I peeled and showed, revealing what's truly inside of me, have healed over again, unmarred and seamless with my skin once more.

I regret not being able to just ring them up. Go back to the way things once were. I regret, after all these years, not getting to see how he grew up. I regret not knowing what my life may have been like if I had stayed there with him. If we hadn't grown apart. I regret the days I was lonely, and he was too. When we were just a phone call away from each other.

But I don't regret the person I have grown into. The friends I have made and lost have all been necessary. As flawed as I am, I would not want to be any other way. I am the sum total of the relationships I have made and broken in my life.

My legacy is the hearts I have both warmed and broken, healed and forgotten.

But I will never forget him. I will never forget the man I could have been. He will live on in my memory, in my imagination. He will be my reminder of what should have been. Of how singular decisions can have such earth shattering results.

In pursuit of the American Dream

Ambition can be both a blessing and a curse
It drives us to keep pushing ourselves
To not let ourselves stagnate or wither
To see the world, as limited as our view of it may be, and say 'this is not enough'

But the source of ambition can rot the foundation of one's character
When seeded in the pursuit of fame, we tend to lose sight of what makes us humble
When seeded in the pursuit of riches, we tend to lose sight of what makes things right
When seeded in the pursuit of sex, we tend to lose sight of the people that matter the most

Ambition should be fueled by life. A desire to see the things life has to offer. To pursue that which makes us happy, that makes those around us happy too.

Ambition should be the drive to do the things we want, not a means to get the things we want.

The life of dogs

Searching for clues in the sand
We sometimes forget to look up.
Forget that the ocean will beat mercilessly on the shore
Washing away evidence that I once walked past here

We forget to look up to the ones who travel alongside us
Who dig through dirt to help us find what we are looking for
Not understanding why we search, but simply helping for our sake alone

We forget to look up at the horizon
The sun rises and falls continuously, but the time passes us by
We don't even notice the shadows, growing from short to tall, passing right to left

We forget why we were even looking
More intent on the faint impressions I left here
Chasing after a trail long left cold

We forget that we too are human
More human than me or you

One note song

There are locks in my mind.
I have the keys for most of them.
But some of them I don't.
Some of them I misplace from time to time.
The keys for happiness and sadness are on my keyring all the time.
But the escape from boredom? Genius? I lose them between cushions and in tall grass. It's always a good day when I find them.
Some keys I never had. Courage. Drive. Passion. I don't have the keys for any of these.
I tried picking the locks, tried my other keys. They remain locked to me.
But you showed me strength. You broke through those doors, and showed
me the way through. How to do it for myself.
I can still feel the door struggle every time I push through.
But every time I do, every time I push myself to reach those places, it becomes a little easier to get back there.

These days I consistently stand on the other side, peering back at the boy I once was. But every once in awhile, I forget how to open those doors.
And then I feel lost and scared and alone, trapped in a dark room with doors locked, and forgotten.

Social Internetworking

In this digital age, one person can say your full name out loud in a public place, and seconds later another can be looking up everything about you online, from the palm of their hand.

We have never been more brought together or kept apart as we are right now.

Walking quickly

You've grown a hunch in your back, from looking at your feet all the time.