I don't want you to try and understand it
I don't want you to say you feel sorry or bad or what have you
I want you to truly feel how horrible it is to be like this all the time
To have this feeling of a physical sensation pulling you backwards from inside your chest
That it's yourself that you're fighting every day just to move forward
Just to get up and face the day
To smile and pretend everything is all right
(But pretending is not enough, you have to pretend so hard you even believe it)
To not wish that when you sleep tonight, you'll wake up 70 years later with a day left to go on your miserable life
And knowing even then it won't come soon enough
I want you to know I don't like being like this
I want to be like you
But I only know how to be like me
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