It's been awhile

I miss feeling this way
I miss feeling like I'm addicted
And that the world is a tiny place with only my problems to fill it
I miss the way you taste
And the way when you're embarrassed you bury your head in my neck
I really miss shutting out everyone else
And turning off my phone
And not caring what was happening out there
Because everything I care about right now is right here with me

I miss the laughter
And I fucking miss your eyes
And the way I can see the love in it
And for this short amount of time, we're all we need and want

But this is just a vacation
A few hours where we can travel back in time
To when the world was a smaller place
And we can look out the windows in our little submarine
And just laugh at all of them out there
Because right now, everything is just perfect

A Spin Around the Sun

I remember kindergarten pretty distinctly. For a long time I remembered it as an eternity. It must have taken at least four or five years to get through. Of course I know now it was just two. And some of it was just half days. But it felt like a whole lifetime. I met new people. I learned so much. I made friends. I got bullied. I had multiple teachers somehow. It felt so very long. Childhood was like that. Two hour roadtrip were ordeals. A day passing was an eternity. Tv shows were so long, and the commercials long enough to go off and do other things and come back and still have time to watch the toy commercials. Then as I got older, 30 minutes of tv felt like nothing. I could on a whim jump in a car and drive for three hours and think nothing of it. And now seasons pass like days. I look out my window and think how a year ago, I must have been in this same spot, looking at the same view, and thinking the same thoughts. Time just keeps passing faster and faster, and it bothers me less and less.

As good as it gets

What if this is as good as it gets. What if right now, that's it. That's all you get. You might get more money, or find love, or win a car or buy a boat or have some kids. But for happiness, that's it. You're topped up, no more overflow, thanks for playing, now you can sit down. What if you're not even all that happy anyways. What if you forgot to be happy when you were supposed too, and now it's too late.

Love - the worst drug of all

Love is great when we fall for the right people
Your circle of friends grows with like minded people
Your days are filled with joy and wonder
But love isn't always so convenient
Sometimes you just fall for the wrong damn people
Sometimes you love someone who's gay and you're not
Sometimes you love someone who's in a relationship
Sometimes you love someone who is usually your perfect person, but happens to love ecstasy too
You can't help who you love though
Love is an asshole

High

You never forget that one high
The one that was just so perfect
The world seemed so beautiful and peaceful
And nothing had ever been wrong and could go wrong
These days that's all you're ever looking for anymore
And the closest you ever get is just numbing yourself enough to forget how miserable you are
Because that high wasn't because you were high
It was a moment when life itself was beautiful and you mistook it for a chemical in your brain
And now you're just chasing rainbows that will never come

Melancholy Tea

I write pretty sad and depressing sounding things a lot. It's not because that's how I am in general. I'm not some sad sack who can't even be bothered to form a smile. I've realized every time I write something down, I lose a little piece of what I'm writing. It gets captured into words and leaves my own mind. And every shred of happiness I have, I cling to as much as I can, and share with those I love. But the sadness mostly stays with me. And so I write it all down in hopes that with each written word it will slowly evaporate from me until it is all gone.

Changing with the seasons

You don't see the changes you've gone through. The beauty you exude, like new roses blooming after every long cold and dark winter. Each blossom the result of seeds planted long ago, each a new and wonderful and dizzying dimension added to your life. You don't see them and yet it's reflection is there for you to see every day. The very fact that you think the world has gotten more lustrous and vibrant and full. The world stayed the same, what's grown better is you.